Jessica Biel has perhaps multitasked just one task beyond what should be multied. In short: Your shower time and your meal time can be two separate things. In fact, we’d go so far as to say they should be two separate things. You have the time to let them be their own agenda items.
Biel, 41, introduced the concept of “shower eating,” the more calorically dense and less-inebriated cousin of the shower beer of yore, in a TikTok back in December 2023 where she listed some “shower-appropriate items” she enjoys snacking on while sudsing, among them yogurt, cereal, and popsicles. After weeks of leaving followers in purgatory, wondering how on earth it’s possible to eat, for example, cereal, which is a wet food that requires two hands to eat (one for bowl handling, one for spoon maneuvering) and is notoriously prone to sogginess anyway, while cleansing your human body in a continues downpour. Also: Why?
Biel doubled down on her questionable life hack in a TikTok she posted to her account on Tuesday.
“Guys, thanks for all these questions about shower eating,” she said. “I’m just so thrilled everyone is so interested. I really want to start a movement, a shower-eating movement. I think, for people who are multitasking, it’s just going to be a relief in so many ways.”
Is it, though? Is it really? “Relief” isn’t the first word that comes to mind.
Biel’s detailed tutorial is as follows.
“I like to take a bite or a sip and put it on the ledge, and then you do your thing,” she said. “You wash your hair—keep the soap out—that’s a big deal. It’s pretty simple, guys. You can do this. I find it deeply satisfying. The only tricky thing is that when you’re chewing, you got to keep your mouth closed because I still like to get under the water while I’m chewing, and for whatever reason, I want to open my mouth at the same time and spit water.”
Indeed, that is the only tricky thing. Just the one.
Biel and husband Justin Timberlake are parents of two children, 8-year-old Silas and 2-year-old Phineas. It’s possible that Biel is participating in the time-honored tradition of hiding from one’s offspring behind the closed door of the bathroom, a porcelain-bedecked sanctuary, but if that’s the primary motivator, there are other ways to go about it that are less likely to make your Rice Krispies lose their snap, crackle, and/or pop. Might we propose eating and then showering as two separate but sequential activities, undertaken in the same space and in the same blessed privacy, but without the inefficient friction of setting down and picking up over and over again? A Stanford neuroscientist even says that multi-tasking may be harmful, the “task-switch cost” doing…something….to our brains and making us worse at the many things we’re trying to do by trying to do them all at the same time. One thing at a time. The Harvard Business Review agrees. (Also, Jessica, where are you setting down that popsicle? It’s not a set-downable food. Think this through!)
Or, if you must be simultaneously dampened and masticating, if it’s the combination of the two that smashes your happy button, perhaps you should consider a bath. Baths can have trays. Baths aren’t actively moistening your bowl of Cheetos. Baths are nice and relaxing and, if you go about it right, can wash your body too. It’s a great way to enjoy some alone time and a snack, all at once.
If you’re craving a life hack, might we suggest laying out your outfit for tomorrow the night before or taking a photo of your coat check tag so you don’t need to worry about losing it before you come to collect your goods? Tip your coat check staff, and let showers be showers. Not everything in life is meant to be hacked.